


The Day in the Life of a Padawan -- The Making of a HoloVision Program by Aayla Security

by m_a_archive_owner



Category: Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-03
Updated: 2014-04-03
Packaged: 2018-01-18 00:03:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1407556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/m_a_archive_owner/pseuds/m_a_archive_owner
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Note from mods: this story was originally archived at www.masterapprentice.org, which has closed due to code rot. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in March 2014. The m_a list was mailed in December 2013 as well as posted to a number of LJ and Dreamwidth communities about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this author, please contact us using the e-mail address on collection profile.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Day in the Life of a Padawan -- The Making of a HoloVision Program by Aayla Security

**Author's Note:**

> Should be pre-TPM. Dark humor. Related to reality. I'm in a bad mood.

|  [Master Apprentice](http://www.masterapprentice.org/html/index.html) [Archive](http://www.masterapprentice.org/html/archive.html) The Day in the Life of a Padawan -- The Making of a HoloVision Program  |  Quick search:   
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## The Day in the Life of a Padawan -- The Making of a HoloVision Program

### by Aayla Security ( [z200122@yahoo.com](mailto:z200122@yahoo.com) )

       

  


Archive -- Master and Apprentices, and all else are welcome upon requests

Category -- Qui/Obi, Humor/Parody, Action/Adventure (of some sort)

Rating -- PG

Warnings -- Black/Bad-taste humor and an extremely anxious Padawan.

Spoilers -- Not sure. Perhaps Episode I and II. Or the entire Star Wars universe.

Summary -- Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi was given a rare chance to introduce his life in the Jedi Temple to the curious audience around the galaxy. But armed with no preparation, ill interview skills and extreme bad luck, he turned out to be one of the worst -- well, find out yourself.

Feedback -- Greatly appreciated. It's easy as One, Two, Three: 1, open your mailbox. 2, compose the letter by typing anything. (They are precious anyway) 3, Click the "Send!" button, and ... BOOM! You've made a writer's day!

Disclaimer -- Thanks, Lucas, for allowing me to borrow (and torture and torture and torture and torture and torture and torture) those characters for non-profit use.

Author's Note: Should be pre-TPM. Dark humor. Related to reality. I'm in a bad mood. Damn. 

  


       

  


(A host-like being stands in the front of the Jedi Archive Hallway)

_Hi, welcome to the "Students All over the Galaxy*" series. I'm Hamles-Pinan, your host. We invite you to explore -- and expose the colorful, highly diversified life of our students in this varying Galaxy -- whether they are on the war-tortured planets, or in the most prestigious universities in civilized worlds. This TV program is designed to let people -- particularly students -- share the various aspects of life, culture and education, and therefore learn to reflect and appreciate what they have as well as what others have. We wish to promote interplanetional understanding, friendship, and goodwill through cultural homestays. Last week, we experienced how slave kids in Tatooine struggle between slavery and schooling. This time, we turn our eyes to a very different group -- probably the most eye-catching student group in the whole universe \-- I am not ashamed of saying how hard we got this unique opportunity -- The Jedi Hopefuls. Perhaps the most frequent questions we will ask them about Jedi students' life will be: How kids are selected? What are their daily chores? What courses do they have? How students behave? To answer these questions, let me introduce a Jedi Padawan to you, Obi-Wan Kenobi. Before that, allow me to give you a little history about him. He is a Senior Padawan and has served under the instruction of Qui-Gon Jinn, a revered Jedi Master, for over 15 years. Now, he is near knighthood. Though he often travels with his Master to tackle some dangerous mission, the Jedi Temple, to him, it's like his home._

(A man with Padawan appearance walks into camera) _Hi, Obi-Wan. Guys, this is Obi-Wan Kenobi_. (Obi-Wan nervously waves at the cameraman and tries to smile)

 _So before your graduation, will you like to give us a little more information?_

Obi-Wan: Um, yeah. That's why I'm here ... (He lets out some forced giggles) ... So um, yeah, you would like a little more information? Well ... Like, when I was a toddler, the Masters brought me here, and they, um ... sorta cut off _any_ connection between my family and _me_ ... but I don't miss them ... obviously I haven't seen them before, well, but sometimes I do wonder, but overall, I'm fine, yeah, I'm fine ... 

_So how were you chosen? Have you ever asked your Masters about it?_

Well ... in fact _no_ ... (Forced giggles) ... They say they choose Force-Sensitive children and cut off the connections ... and somehow they DO know how to sense those kids ... It's always so obvious to them ... Yeah, I would admire them about it ... Sometimes they are so mysterious that we Padawans often wonder how they manage to do those difficult tasks with SUCH skills and (Obi-Wan suddenly blushes slightly) ... and ... well, like, _excellence_ ... Well, in fact, (Obi-Wan straightens his robes and looks a little more confident), I tell you what, my Master chose me for this job ... so ... um ... yeah ... I kinda admire him ... 

(The host starts to think if the Master has made the right choice, but he smiles professionally anyway)

 _Speaking of jobs, we would love to hear about some of the really dangerous missions you and your Master have been to. As far as we know, Jedi are the Keepers of Peace_   (Obi-Wan nods enthusiastically). _They are dispatched to all over the Galaxy to solve conflicts and restore peace and hope to people's life and heart. Will you mind giving us some insight?_

Sure. Ahe. Um, speaking of missions ... we HAVE had hundreds of missions together perhaps ... but some of them aren't really that exciting ... like, watching treaty being signed but torn apart right away ... College students' graduation ceremonies ... Kindergarten "Different Jobs" program (you know, teachers tried to get the children know more about different careers so they invited us to come, but those kids really were not interested in us ... They said we were boring and ugly ... and that really hurts...I mean, that was _mean_ to say that ... ) ... Trade Federation disagreement ... 

_But THAT'S considered to be important!_

Yeah, well, I mean it's not THAT exciting ... Well, most of the time we spent is just deflecting fires ... and running for our own lives (the screen shows two dusted humans crouching desperately through ventilation pipes) ... my Master and I didn't get much time to talk to each other ... I mean, to learn more from him ... But some of the missions are really engaging, like, my favorite one is actually when we went to a beach-like planet ... with sunshine, white sand, wind and shining sea ... and he ... (Obi-Wan is lost in his mind for a while)

(The host firmly decides that it is time to talk over different issues)

 _A matter of opinion! And I suppose dangerous missions ARE exhausting and the Jedi simply do need more rest! So, Obi-Wan, since I can't think of any other questions right now_ (the host delivers a notable blink to the camera),  _I think the best option is to look around! As the famous saying goes, "Seeing is believing.", or "A hologram is worth a thousand words."! Would you like to give us a tour, and perhaps I can think of more questions?_

Well ... yeah, sure! Um, this, actually, is the library (also known as The Jedi Archive, but we'd rather call it "library" or "JA"), so people can study here and finish their homework ... (Obi-Wan goes on talking about facilities, and resources and stuff. A 18-year-old-looking Padawan, who is unfortunately sitting next to the shooting crew and has tried long and hard to concentrate on his _Principles of Meditation: Advanced Reflection and Deflection_ * textbook, stands up, throws a dirty look at them and runs away. Obi-Wan suddenly looks offended.) ... Darth you, Qean!...oh, sorry, he just sends me something mean ... nothing special ... so, um, yeah ... (a white-bearded Master, who has been reading his copy of _Jedi Educators Handbook: Early Transactions_ *, looks at Obi-Wan and shakes his head in disapproval and disappointment) ... and we have wireless network, and cameo to look for books ... (A girl Padawan, who gets stuck in _An Introduction to the Basic Practice of Force Guidance*_ Chapter 12.409 revision exercises, closes her eyes and prays to the Force for quietness) ... and we also have five analytical droids to help us analyze strange stuff our teachers give to us ... Well, one droid is down for years, and the Council doesn't seem wanting to repair it ... 

_Council? May we know how it works?_

Why, yes! Ah, how can I have forgetton to tell you this! Well, they are (Obi-Wan's facial features twist because of hard thinking, or remembering) ... um, they are ... 12 members chosen from Jedi Masters who have made extraordinary contributions and contemplate the very nature of the Force and interface with justice with the government of the Republic (Obi-Wan quickly cites, then looks relieved).

_So it's the head of the Jedi Order. With their wise guidance, your future is more than promising. Do they have leaders?_

Yeah, I suppose so ... well, no, but we do have senior members! Master Mace Windu and Master Yoda -- I don't know much about them, but they are surely very strict and powerful ... Yepp, I think I remember seeing Master Mace using the Force, like, one month ago, to plumb the toilet of the shared restroom (which _was_ beside his office), because it was supposedly stuck with paper and garbage before he tried to storm me away ... well, not a pretty scene, actually, because when I flushed the toilet all sorts of nasty things popped out and covered us ... the things many students wanted to get rid of ... like stained Master robes, shirts, magazines, textbooks, broken lightsabers, a fingerless hand, poisonous plants, a time bomb (still working in perfect condition, of course, before Master Mace threw it out of the window and shouted "Duck!" and I tried to locate the bird) ... Ha ha, just a bit silliness of me ... 

_What about Master Yoda? He is such a legendary hero! He's been elected as the Hottest Action Star in_ The Coruscant Times*, _for 3 times in the past 200 years!_

_I'm quite sure that we want you to tell us more about it! Can you show us the little children? We love to see those lovely, innocent faces!_

Yeah, sure! Now we are in the library's 15-20 age section (also known as "The Finals Terminal", we nicknamed it ... ), because students always cram for exams here! And look, from the number of Padawans, you can easily tell that one must be coming now! (Another Padawan gives up studying _Galaxy History: the Rise and Fall of the Old Galactic Republic_ * and starts to complain to his friend, looking upset; his friend tries to calm him down by saying, "Don't let your emotions control you. You should control your emotions. You know what they say, being controlled by your emotions will lead you to the Dark Side." "Yeah, I suppose so, but I just don't want to be controlled by that stupid crew ... Wait, do you think I should yell at them or something?" Obi-Wan, who seems to overhear this ominous conversation, changes the topic immediately.)

So, please follow me to the younglings section!

(Obi-Wan strides away, before the mentioned student has made up his mind, stands up and calls at the crew's back, followed by an applause, "SHUT UP YOU SITH AND LET ME BE IN PEACE!")

(Though it's a long way, Obi-Wan promises that they will get to their destination in no time.)

 _Wow, you are so familiar with this place! Is it because you were brought up here?_

(The host asks when Obi-Wan is leading them through a dark tunnel.)

Well ... yes, perhaps. Oh, I don't know. But I do think it has something to do with my years of volunteer work in "The Future Masters" program.

_Ooooooh, is it a program in which you care for the hopefuls?_

Yeah! And I have been going this way for thousands of times ... well, dozens of times, actually ... (Forced hearty giggles) ... It's a long way, but I've found a shortcut, and I'm leading it -- 

(Obi-Wan's head hits a wall and he shrieks. But he is instantly grateful that he is in the dark, so no one can see his black forehead, and he can Force-heal it before he and the others get into light.)

(The host cannot hold back a fearful gasp, which indicates his true feelings)

_What's happened?_

We can climb this wall. I know there's a large hole somewhere near the ceiling and we can climb through it.

(He Force-jumps easily, and climbs the vertical, frictionless wall like a fly; then he realizes he has gotten this all wrong, for his company, obviously, can't do what he has done.)

Damn!

... 

(When they finally make their way back to the Light Side, Obi-Wan apologizes. But the host says that it is all right, because they finally get to see a Jedi in action. Obi-Wan decides to take that as a compliment, no matter what.)

(As they pass the classrooms for older students (the hallway happens to be in complete silence -- because Padawans are taking written tests there), Obi-Wan thoughtlessly begins to talk aloud about a day of a typical Padawan. He does what a typical tour guide does -- walking backwards.)

... So ... um ... Then we get up after meditation, we wash our faces or take a shower ... we change ... then we will work on our braids -- 

_Yes, that's one interesting part! Tell us more about it!_

Well, okay ... Personally, it's nothing interesting or to be proud of ... some fellows use separated braids, you see ... they simply attach them to the back of their ears just before they are ready to leave their quarters for a day's work ... But it's not always useful, I think, because they may fall off and you'll always have to worry about it and you can't concentrate on things at hand very well ... At least that's my theory ... the Council in fact bans this sort of braids, but, well, you know, people today don't really want to spend time braiding their hair ... And they don't want to be regarded something weird by outsiders just because they have a girly braid when they sneak out of the temple and have to hide the braid under wigs or something or they will be recognized and Temple Law-Enforcers will come and get them ... I mean, you can disguise yourself easily without a sticking braid, can't you?

_Interesting. Highly interesting. But you still have your braid! Why, is it real?_

Yes! (Obi-Wan proudly presents his braid, beaming.) Actually my Master braided it for me -- with skillful fingers, I'd say! -- saying my hair and skin felt like ... 

(He suddenly stops talking; this time the host is sure that the Jedi has bright color on his face)

(Obi-Wan's head bows and he trips himself. He falls on his head, creating an enormous "Dang", and jumps up immediately)

Oops, I'm sorry ... the floor is slippery, you see ... 

(They pass the Science Hall ... )

Well ... then we have our classes ... such as Historical Science, Social Science, Natural Science, Life Science, Mathematical Science, Geographical Science, Linguistic Science, Philosophical Science ... 

(As his loud voice echoes in the hall, many faces in the classrooms turn to look at them. Some with fear, some with anger, some with hate, some with suffering. All negative emotions. Even the teaching Master's face looks like grimace. Obi-Wan shudders, but he can't help it but go on and on and on.)

(They pass the Motion Hall ... )

... Jumping, Running, Guns Move, Lightsaber Move, Body Meditation ... 

(They pass the Force Hall ... )

... Force Push, Force Pull, Force Throw, Force Damage, Force-Shield Generation, Force Heal, Force Speed, Force Call ... 

(They pass the Mind Hall ... )

... Mind Trick, Mind Sense, Mind Feel, Mind Move, Mind Meditation ... 

(They pass the Skill-Development-Service Hall ... )

... Diplomatic Skills, Acrobatic Skills, Lightsaber Skills, Sensing Skills, Healing Skills, Speeding Skills, Protecting Skills, Outer-Force-Power Skills, Meditating Skills, Emotion-Controlling Skills ... 

(They pass the Student Academic-Social Activities Hall (pasted with thousands of either overly garish or black-and-white posters ... ))

... Writing Workshop, Admission Workshop, Robotic Workshop, Machinery Workshop, Spying Workshop, Demonstration/Protest Workshop, Rebellion Workshop, Environment-Caring Workshop, EID-RIYF (Emotion-Is-Dangerous-Rationality-Is-Your-Friend) Workshop, Life-Betterment Workshop, Political-Science Wor -- 

_So, Obi-Wan, will you care to explain to us the course of a hopeful becoming a Jedi Master?_

(Obi-Wan is stopped suddenly, feeling frustrated. The host has a point -- Obi-Wan has been merely calling out what he reads from a long, narrow, folded, very unpleasant-looking list in his hands; besides, no one is interested.)

(But to Obi-Wan, this is a blow. HE has prepared this list for a long time. Producing a list like this involves research, which is precisely Obi-Wan's strong spot. And while he does feel stupid and can't think of other ways to stop the cycle, the disappointment in the host's voice is out and loud.)

Well ... Of course! Well, it really depends on how you look at it ... yeah ... (Very, very forced giggles) ... Um, first you are chosen, and the training practically starts when you are still a baby! Then, well, you will have your trials and become a knight!

_But isn't it true that most Jedi have their Masters?_

(Obi-Wan's mouth feels dry. But probably it HAS been dry from the moment he starts to cite the list.)

Yeah ... I forgot that part ... sorry again ... ... (Very, very, _very_ forced giggles) ... Um, well, and yeah, we do have proffe -- I mean Masters ... we get them when we finish with the Bear Clan ... so, yeah ... 

_And what is the Bear Clan?_

(Obi-Wan starts to feel dizzy.)

It's a group of kids, aging from thee, I mean three to wive, ahem, excuse me ... five years old, no, eight? Ten?

(He stops abruptly, not knowing what to do. His face is burning.)

(The host is eyeing him curiously.)

_And then?_

(Obi-Wan thankfully ignores that question and moves on.)

Then ... then we get paired with our Masters!

(He relieves a long breath, thanking Force the description is over. But the host thinks otherwise.)

 _So when will you_ specifically _get paired with your Master?_

(Obi-Wan starts to tremble -- he doesn't remember. It has been too long for him to remember.)

Well ... you know ... is like ... yeah, I suppose ... so ... um ... and yeah, when?

(Obi-Wan is surprised that he has the nerve to ASK a question. But, thank the Force, at the same moment they finally arrive at the Bear Clan classrooms building. Obi-Wan looks up at the ceiling, as if to see where the concrete body of the Force is to thank him.)

_So, this is the Bear Clan building!_

(The host quickly passes Obi-Wan and stands in front of the large stone sign which reads _Bear Clan -- A Division Of Pre-Jedi Administration,_   in order to have the camera shoot him together with the sign. He grins broadly and genuinely (which makes his smile quite different from the rest of his) to the camera, thanking his god.)

(Obi-Wan nods cheerily)

_Let us not disturb their classes!_

(The host says, and approaches the window of the classroom without Obi-Wan's instruction or permission. The camera zooms in, still shooting the host)

 _SHHHH ... they are having a class._

(The host turns his head to the camera and says with a fingertip on his lips. Then he suddenly realizes that he is not filming something like _Holotobies_.)

_They are indeed trying very hard to understand their class materials, since all their attention is drawn by the renowned ancient Jedi Master -- Yoda. He is distributing something among the students -- something very essential. No sounds are made or eyes left from the Master. As if the young ones fear that they may lose something -- evidently, knowledge and experience. They are already eager students, at such young ages._

(The host comments academically while making a showily-obvious attempt at low voice.) 

_What the Master is doing can be barely seen clearly. But the children have begun nodding vigorously. Why, the ancient Master is --_

(The host freezes. The camera pans in for an inside view of the room, seeing that Master Yoda is hitting a child's head with his mini-staff like a drummer. Then the camera spins away.)

(Seeing everything, Obi-Wan wishes that Master Yoda would never see the actual program.)

(Their next stop is a noisier room, which is labeled as "Young Padawan Dropping Program -- Drop your Padawan here to go to work and pick them up by 7:00 pm." It is, in other words, the younglings' common room. Some are sparring with wooden sticks, some are meditating, some are looking out of the window, apparently lost in some deep thoughts, and some are sitting there doing nothing. The rest are playing with the pretty, glowing marbles that Obi-Wan has referred to the host. Each has brilliantly-colored (red, yellow, purple, blue, orange or green), lightning-like sparkles in the core beneath their transparent, glass shell. In fact, they look a lot like the miniatures of the crystal ball that the Queen of Naboo and the Boss of Gungan will hold at the celebration.)

(The host is fascinated by this scene. He approaches one of the younglings, who is using Force-lift to form a colorful ring of marbles.)

 _So, are these the marbles Master Yoda has given you?_

(The boy starts, and the marbles drop. The supervisor -- an aged female Jedi Master who has been lying on a couch comfortably while reading _The Watto Street Journal_ * looks at the host, accusingly. And then she turns her gaze to Obi-Wan, even more accusingly.)

 _I'm sorry, my child, did I interrupt you?_

(The host says warmly but obviously he expects the boy to say no.)

Yes.

(Because the host looks kind enough to be offended within safety zone, the Padawan says truthfully. The host feels bad, and he, thanks to his host-ish intuition, immediately catches a glimpse of the camera, and knows that it is still running, in his direction. He has to call someone to distract the audience ... say, his tour guide?)

_Oi, Obi-Wan!_

(He says in a close friend's way.)

(Obi-Wan, who has been standing there as comfortably as the female Jedi has been lying, reluctantly moves on, crouches down before the boy and forces a smile, which looks like a painful expression due to a toothache.)

Obi-Wan?

(The boy, whose name is Buan, calls Obi-Wan's name out. He was stuck with Obi-Wan for a whole month during last year's disastrous "The Future Masters" program.)

What are YOU doing here?

(He doesn't sound pleased.)

(But the host doesn't seem to notice.)

_Ah, I presume this bright boy is playing with the marbles you mentioned to me the other hour!_

(Obi-Wan doesn't know how to react. He is afraid of children. They are not frightening when there is only one ... but in packs ... especially with their protector, an AGED, FEMALE protector ... )

Well ... I don't know ... but, yeah ... um, I suppose so ... 

(To Obi-Wan's greatest horror, the boy looks deeply hurt and snorts.)

I am NOT PLAYING!

(Buan fiercely and curtly declares, dangerously brandishing his not-yet-activated lightsaber under Obi-Wan's nose. The other kids, whose emotions are seemingly unified, are \-- almost all at once -- wearing threatening looks as if ready to kill. The eldest of the pack -- the aged Jedi -- stands up.)

I AM PRACTICING MY FORCE-POWER!

(Children are hard on familiar faces with the strangers' presence -- this is a universally-accepted truth -- just no one knows why. Obi-Wan shivers at the thought.)

It just looks like as though ... 

(He whispers, hoping that his tone sounds both obedient and full of shame, to plead for the child's calmness. But it only flares (and encourages) Buan's anger, for Obi-Wan, for one, is anything but authority.)

AS THOUGH? **AS THOUGH**?! THIS IS PART OF A SUCCESSFUL, FINE EDUCATION SYSTEM! WHY DO YOU THINK MASTER YODA HAS GIVEN US THOSE MARBLES -- SURE, THEY ARE ATTRACTIVE, THEY ARE PRETTY, BUT DOES IT MEAN THAT HE WANTS A JEDI TO BE ATTRACTED?! NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! A THOUSAND TIMES NO! HE JUST WANTS US TO PRACTICE OUR CONCENTRATION-FORCE-POWER SKILLS! HE THINKS THAT WE CAN FOCUS OUR ATTENTION ON OBJECTS WHEN THEY ARE MORE ATTRACTIVE!!!!!

(This is a plausible reasoning, which makes things more complicated. Obi-Wan now can feel the hostility towards him through The Living Force -- but the strongest one is from the most intimidating one -- the protector. The Force has given Obi-Wan a very good piece of advice: run.)

(Obi-Wan Force-jumps into the air and begins the run for his life and honor, hearing the tearing voice crying: Oh, Force, how can YOU become a Jedi Knight with absolutely no sense of observation -- )

... ... 

_That is most unbelievable. We have witnessed how an elder educated a young Jedi with a relatively-small but reasonable amount of violence. Clearly the young Jedi's careless humiliation was considered to be a personal insult, a most damaging discouragement in a small child's Jedi-ability development ..._

(The host reports matter-of-factly to the camera; Obi-Wan walks beside them, head bent. He did not manage to escape; the woman Jedi, who used Force-grip, grabbed him by the neck and dragged him towards the child then forced him to give an acceptable apology.) 

_... most impressive. "He has been sloppy, but he has been forgiven." The respected Jedi-supervisor, Vasa Gali, who executed the punishment, said. Indeed, tolerance and love is the Jedi's name._

(Obi-Wan is trying to relieve his anger through the Living Force. His Master says the thing will only last for 4 hours 31 minutes and 24 seconds, but it now feels like eternity ... )

(He studies his tourist-attraction check-list. There is only one site they have not been to: A Master-and-Padawan quarter. For today's first time, Obi-Wan's spirit lightens a bit. He can show them _his Master_ and _his_ quarter, without meeting anyone else. Yes, hopefully, his Master will be inside the quarter. He will comfort his Padawan's wounded soul and explain everything properly to the bloody camera crew.)

(But this thought is just too naïve.) ... 

(So far on their way, to Obi-Wan's blessing, they have been alone. But as they are passing the line of quarter doors, a Padawan kid, not older than ten, running passes them. Obi-Wan tries to ignore him, because to his volunteer experience, a running-apparently-for-no-good-reason Jedi kid, even though his face expressionless, is a great danger and threat. Moreover, Jedi with protector nature might be nearby -- _they_ can take good care of him. But before he can stop the host, the host pulls and stops the kid.)

 _Ah, here comes a little future Jedi. Let's ask him some questions._   (He grins at the camera, and crouches down, face to face with the child.) _So, young one, are you a Jedi?_

(Face still expressionless, the kid nods forcibly like a robot.)

_That's amazing! You know what, we people always think Jedi as strong, powerful figures!_

(The kid makes no comments, but glances at Obi-Wan, who nervously smiles, and continues his deadly, piercing stare at the host. But the host is too busy with his own behaving.)

_So, young one! Are you a Padawan?_

(The kid nods impassively, but the corner of his mouth is distorted.)

_Then whom do you want to be?_

(The kid clears his throat.)

A Jedi Master.

(He says that with grim determination. Obi-Wan has a bad feeling about this.)

 _Ah, of course! What an unnecessary question!_ (But obviously the host in reality doesn't think that way. He is impressed by himself.) _But a great answer, my lad! And why?_

(The kid's expression changes dramatically, but he still controls his voice.)

I want a Padawan.

_And why do you want a Padawan?_

Because I need one.

(The host smiles, happy to see a straightforward person. Obi-Wan, on the other hand, feels the hair on his neck stand.)

_I know what you may think, but still I'm going to ask it anyway ... to us, this is significant for us to know ..._

(The host takes a deep breath and Obi-Wan's heart sinks.)

 ** _WHY you need a Padawan?_**

(The future Jedi's face twists and suddenly the reserved kid disappears.)

BECAUSE I WANT TO SHOUT AT HIM AND KICK HIS BUTT AND THROW FURNITURE AT HIM WHEN I AM CONTROLLED BY ANGER! THAT'S WHAT PADAWANS ARE FOR, RIGHT?

(The host's jaw falls, while Obi-Wan, ready to die, forwards a firm step toward the kid. The darkness is swirling. Senior Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi has to defend the image of the Order.)

Listen, kid, 

I have a name. And my name is Shan,

Fine, Shan, you are awfully misguided. You are not to behave this way. Padawans are not the trashcan of the Masters' surplus emotions. You may have misunderstood what he really meant. The future of the Order is in your hands. Every hopeful is the chosen one to balance the Force, no efforts should be spared -- only as one will the Force be balanced \-- 

I don't CARE whether the DARTHING Force is balanced or not -- 

You are on the way to the Dark Side, where there is only suffering and torture, nothing more -- Release your emotions to the Living Force -- Return to Light -- 

DAMN THE LIGHT!

Okay, kid, you are trying my patience, you will listen and will listen well:

(Obi-Wan begins to shout at the top of his voice, shaking the kid like a milkshake machine)

A(he shakes)-JE(shakes)-DI'S(shakes)-PATH(shakes)-IS(shakes)-A(shakes)- HARD (shakes)- ONE!!!!  (he yells) TRUST THE LIGHT. TRUST THE FORCE. YOUR PEACE LIES IN YOUR -- 

**DAMN** EASY FOR **YOU** TO SAY THAT BECAUSE **YOU** ARE NOT **YOUR** MASTER'S ILL-EMOTION TRASHCAN BUT HIS **LOVER**! 

"Okay, that's enough."

Qui-Gon Jinn turned the HV down.

His heart ached as he turned and saw that his Jedi apprentice had all kinds of colors on his face. He was sitting on the edge of his bed, holding a pillow tightly to his chest, sobbing quietly.

"Padawan," Qui-Gon tried to talk, "you haven't been talking to me for 16 hours after this incident."

"I dare not." Obi-Wan choked and continued sobbing. He was still beautiful, even with his red eyes, tear-stained cheeks and nasal mucus -- at least, he was beautiful in Qui-Gon's eyes.

"C'mon, Obi-Wan, you haven't done anything wrong." Qui-Gon soothed by lying.

"Liar," Obi-Wan said weakly, burying his face in the pillow, "I was a joke."

"No, you were not."

"I did everything wrong. I acted like an idiot, a coward, a lunatic."

Qui-Gon was defiant enough to lie without hesitation.

"You acted perfectly fine, my young Padawan. You only need to practice ... "

"I _spoke_ like an idiot, a coward, a lunatic."

This time even Qui-Gon did not dare to lie.

"My head went blank when I saw the camera."

"No, it didn't."

"My body and my mouth weren't mine."

"That's truly regrettable."

"I couldn't feel ANY Force guidance."

"That's not your fault. The sudden absence of the feel of the Force occasionally does occur to a young Jedi."

"But how would _they_ know about the Force?!" Obi-Wan demanded, suddenly looking up, tears shining in his eyes.

Qui-Gon was taken back. "Who?" 

"THE AUDIENCE!!!" Obi-Wan bleated desperately, "I said things I didn't want to say; I did things without ANY thinking; I leaked out all sorts of information that should be kept between the Jedi only; and worst of all, that -- that -- that -- "

"Shan Wa."

"SON-OF-A-SITH said THAT! Now not only the Jedi Order ... But THE ENTIRE GALAXY will know _THAT!_ "

Obi-Wan buried his colored face into the fabric once more.

"Padawan ... "

Qui-Gon approached his devastated apprentice.

"The council will separate us," Qui-Gon was close enough to hear Obi-Wan's remorse whisper, "Attachments are _forbidden_ among the Jedi."

Qui-Gon put his right hand on Obi-Wan's dirty left shoulder. The Padawan hadn't taken a shower since then. Nevertheless, the Master squeezed it in support.

Obi-Wan absent-mindedly held Qui-Gon's hand, face still in the pillow. Qui-Gon could feel that his apprentice was quivering.

"They wouldn't trust a ten-year-old's nonsense."

"Oh yes they will," Qui-Gon saw Obi-Wan's pillow's wetting process accelerating, "I've seen the tape, and I saw my stupidity when my thoughts were associated with -- with -- "

Qui-Gon knew what he was trying to say. But instead of completing the sentence, he sat down by Obi-Wan's side, and wrapped one of his arms around Obi-Wan's waist, hugging him.

But Obi-Wan did not react.

"They will take the hints," he moaned, "and they will know everything. I let you down, _and_ the Jedi Order. I've ruined everything. _I_ was the image. The image of a Jedi Padawan will be terrible."

Qui-Gon placed both of his hands on his Padawan's shoulders and made him face his Master. But Obi-Wan still refused to look into Qui-Gon's eyes.

"Listen, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon said firmly, "The Council has long known THAT. What most matters to them is whether they can contemplate the truth of the Force and the Sith, not the image. What has been done, is done. It will not and cannot be helped even through years of regret."

"Then what about the consensus, and the Jedi's reputation, and yours?" Obi-Wan's voice sounded tearful.

Qui-Gon answered by wrapping his arms around the poor man's body to show support, and let go.

"My Padawan," he said, "You wouldn't possibly believe that the consensus would change just because a single HoloVision program?"

"The possibility remains." Obi-Wan said without much hope, "'A single slip may cause lasting sorrow.' That's what you said." 

"And why should we care?"

This question left Obi-Wan ponder.

"A Jedi won't care anything other than justice and peace. Even if there is bawl, it will subside, because it is nothing more than what it is." Qui-Gon tendered, sending the easing Force through his holding hands.

Obi-Wan knew the definition was rather tricky and the reasoning could easily be misused. But he decided to give up rational thinking to get out of his misery. After all, better stupid than sorry.

"I'm sorry, Master," he blew his nose, "I just feel bad. Watching the tape they sent us makes my insides turn." Obi-Wan turned his eyes away, still refusing to look at Qui-Gon straight in the eye.

"Then destroy it. Exterminate it. _That_ should be easy for a Jedi like you." Qui-Gon said laughingly.

"Then will you not want me any more, because of everything that happened in the last 21 hours?" Obi-Wan titled his head and looked at Qui-Gon through misty, weary eyes. This was his final piece of fear. 

Putting aside Obi-Wan's pillow, Qui-Gon embraced Obi-Wan passionately and kissed him on the lips. Obi-Wan finally smiled and threw the memory out of the window, like what Mace had done to the bomb. 

The End

(I have to mention that I don't intend scandals whatsoever towards Jedi younglings. They are cute little ones, honestly. Order 66 sucks. )

Footnotes (linked items marked with "*"): 

_Students All over the Galaxy i_ s a trademark of the Galactic Public Media Transmission Station (GPMTS). No commercial use of this trademark may be made without prior written permission of GPMTS, Ltd. 

_Principles of Meditation: Advanced Reflection and Deflection_ is the 14th book of _Principles of Meditation_ textbook series. The current 18247th edition is published in 27 BBY, written by Mace Windu and Ki-Adi-Mundi.

 _An Introduction to the Basic Practice of Force Guidance_ is written by the Staff Masters of Jedi Temple's Sensing Department. It has been awarded Jedi Archive Press's annual prize for accurate measurement and prediction in a Padawan's personal progress as well as simple language (which is a difficult task to achieve within this community).

 _The Coruscant Times_ is an interplanetially known daily newspaper published on the planet Coruscant. It is owned by The Coruscant Times Company, and holds its _Hottest Action Star_ award for its education section on a monthly basis.

 _The Watto Street Journal_ is an influential daily newspaper published on the planet Tatooine. It mainly teaches people (especially women) how to save money and bargain effectively, by describing interesting cases and stories.

 _Licky-Melody-Lollipop_ ® is a registered trademark of The Salvanie's, Inc.

 _Fruit Tastes_ ® is a registered trademark of FARMENENNABOO.

 _Galaxy History: The Rise and Fall of the Old Galactic Republic,_   which is written by the famous historian Sacu Legroeg, is NOT a textbook. However, it is a required reading assignment for almost every Padawan, before she/he is given related topics to write an essay.

 _Jedi Educators Handbook Series_ are said to be one of the most successful ever educators' teaching guidelines (and not only limited to the Jedi), written by the most successful ever educator in the entire Galaxy: Master Yoda. Strikingly, as books specially written for the sake of the educators, they nevertheless have been _The Coruscant Times_ bestsellers for 23 years. But according to book critics, these books will lead to an accuracy decline in grammar among educators. Epilogue:

After watching the actual program ... 

"Master Yoda, may I know where the concentration of your wisdom lay when you were within Hamles-Pinan's sight?"

"Humph. A good question it is, Depa. Distributing candies I was; hit the apprentice then I had to. Too many shares he wanted, and so did my reputation go. Never so much attention from the Padawans I'd got."

  


       

  



End file.
